My Immortal (parody)
by Hermione Is My Role Model
Summary: A parody of My Immortal


**This is a parody of My Immortal, partly written deliberately badly by myself and partly taken from original story ( or, at least, reposts of the original story)**

A/N FANGZ TO DA GOFFIK PPL WHAT HEPLED RITE DIS FANFIC! NO FLAMZ OR PREPZ OK!

Hey, my name is Ebony D'A 'r'k'N'e'S'S dementia Raven-Way an i am so goffik. I has long long long blak hare an wiv pink streaks in it an purple tips, an i has icy blue eyes like limpid tears an I like cuttin my rists wen im borred. I has pail pail pail wite skinn an wiv lotz of foundation. i sleepz in a coffin (cuz I'm goffik, duh!) and peepl sez I luk like Amy Lee (if yu dunno who she iz, den fuk off yu bitchiz!) I fink Hilary Duff is a slag an a bitch. Fuck you if you don't agree. i go to a skool in England what is calld hog warts (which is a dumb name.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

So basiklee, me an my sexy boyfrend Draco wuz flyin in his magik flyin car, which was a We wuz goin to see dis amazing band called "Good Charlotte" an dey are awesum.

"OMFG I'm really exited!" I sez in a depressed voice (cuz I'm goffik)

"Me too" Dracoo sez sexily, an we had sex in da car. It was awesum an goffik.

Den we got dere, an we saw dat all da bitchy ppl had taken all da good seets, so I thru a tantrum an bit ppl an slit my rists and cried and stuff until da bitchiz went away an me an Draaco satt togevva in da place an Good Charlotte started singing.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (if you don't no who he is, den go to hell.)

"Joel is so fucking hot" I sez.

Suddenly Draco lookd sad.

"Whatz rong?" I askd as we moshed to da music. Den I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said happily.

"Really?" askedz Draco sensitively and he put his armz around me all protective.

"Really. Besides, I dont even no joel, an hes going out wiv Hilary fucking duff. I fucking h8 dat little bitch" I said, finking of her ugly blonde face.

Den I sor Hilary duff an I wuz like WTF is dat bitch doing here an she came ova an flirtid wiv Draco cuz she's a slut an I punched her in da face an she cryed like a baby. So me an Draco ran away an we had sex again but wiv condoms obviuosly. It was soooo cool! Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness an I knew I lovd him soooooo much. And suddenly Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screemd. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.

An den Dumblydoor came an yelld "wtf yu doing you dirty motherfuckers! You ludacris fools!" he showted. I started to cry tearz of blud down my pallid face (cuz I'm goffik) an Draco comfroted me. Wen we went bak to da castle Dumbledore took us to Pofessa Snap and Pofessa McGoggle who were both looking very angry."They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Pofessa McGoggle.

"How dare you?" demanded Pofessa Snap.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Pofessa McGoggle still looked mad but Pofessa Snap said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teef and my hair an changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flatterd even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. An den, da next day, Draco asked me two marry him an I wuz so happy i stripped naked an he did too an we swim in da lake for ages an ages but den it started snowing an da lake froze an we wuz stuck an i got so depressd I slit my rists an nearly dyed. But den Hargrid saved uss but wen he pulled us owt he tryed to have sex wiv me an I sed "WTF fuck off you bloody pedo" an he cryed he wuz so sad but I didn't say sorry cuz he deserved it. Den I saw Rimmus Loopin an Serious Blak filmin me naked an i was so angry I went ABRA KEBABA (you know, da killing curse) an dey died an Dumblydoor wuz so happy he strippd naked an kissed Pofessa Snap (Snape is mi favritt teacha). Snap kissd Pofessa McGoggle an Pofessa McGoggle kissd Pofessa Sprout an Pofessa Sprout reveeld her 1st name is Brussels.

I met harry potter by da way, most ppl call him vampire now cuz he's a sexy vampire an hiz scar an glasses iz gone which is gd cuz his glasses made him luk like a dork. An I also met Hermione an Ron, but dey are also vampires now so we call dem B'loody Mary an Diabolo.

B4 the end of da skool year me an draco started frenching passively in da dorms and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. "Oh Draco, Draco!" I screemd while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a blak hart with an arrow thru it. On it in bloody goffik writing were the words… Vampire!

I wuz so angry.

"You bastard!" I shoutd angrily, jumpin out of da bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleedid. But I knew too much.

"No, yu fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

So we broke up an didnt get married but like after ten years Draco came 2 me (we wuz still at skool cuz we r immortal an we don't get old) an begged me 2 4give him. I had missed him a lotz so I sed yes an we got married. I made my own goffik metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say dat we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. Da other people in da band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Diabolo and Hargrid.

An den we had a party Hogwarts an everyone wuz invited except Hilary duff an dat made her so cross she killd Dumbledore an I sez yay cuz he was a barmy old codger an wasn't any use to anyone. Me an Draco got married an we burned Hogwarts to da ground cuz it was dumb, an we got a rocket ship to mars cuz dere is like dis awesum Skool wat is called Pigfarts. So we livd dere foreva but den got borred so we came back an I bought a new coffin (cuz I'm goffik ) wiv hot pink lace and velvet inside. we haz lots of kids even tho we r ded so we technically can't have kidz but whatever, i can dreem can't i? An den we wuz so happy an all da stupid prepz got run over by a train. The end. Now fuk off an leev me alone so I can slit my rists in peace.

A/N NOW REEVEIW, PEEPLZ!

**A/N from HIMRM: To all those hating on this story - Um, HELLO? I stated right at the beginning that this was a PARODY and that I wrote it DELIBERATELY badly! Pay attention, people!**


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